Ex- England leader Lewis Moody has announced he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full consequences of the muscle-degenerating condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was part of the 2003 championship side and secured multiple English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after learning he has the disease.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and being reluctant to fully comprehend that at the present time," he said.
"It's not that I am unaware of where it's heading. We understand that. But there is absolutely a reluctance to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, conversing alongside his wife Annie, says rather he feels "calm" as he directs his attention to his immediate wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the condition progresses.
"Perhaps that's trauma or possibly I handle situations uniquely, and after I have the details, it's simpler," he stated further.
Early Signs
Moody learned he had MND after detecting some lack of strength in his shoulder while exercising in the gym.
After physical therapy didn't help the problem, a series of scans revealed neural pathways in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this medical finding of MND and we're rightly quite affected about it, but it's rather peculiar because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he continued.
"I don't sense unwell. I don't feel unwell
"My symptoms are rather minimal. I have some muscle loss in the fingers and the shoulder.
"I'm still capable of performing all activities. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is feasible."
Illness Advancement
MND can progress swiftly.
As per the organization MND Association, the condition kills a 33% of people within a twelve months and over half within 24 months of diagnosis, as eating and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Medical care can only slow deterioration.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," added an emotional Moody.
"It's about the sorrow around having to break the news to my mum - as an only child - and the implications that has for her."
Family Effect
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he mentioned telling his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the devastating news, stating: "This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two excellent boys and that was pretty devastating," Moody said.
"We were seated on the sofa in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog leapt across and commenced cleaning the moisture off our faces, which was somewhat silly."
Moody explained the emphasis was remaining in the now.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be very militantly focused on just embracing and enjoying all aspects now," he commented.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been very blessed that the sole determination I made when I retired from playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as feasible. We can't reclaim those years back."
Sportsman Connection
Elite sportspeople are excessively affected by MND, with research proposing the incidence of the condition is up to 600% elevated than in the wider community.
It is considered that by restricting the O2 obtainable and creating harm to neural pathways, consistent, vigorous training can activate the disease in those inherently vulnerable.
Athletic Career
Moody, who gained 71 England caps and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in honour of his brave, persistent method to the game.
He participated through a fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a training-ground altercation with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he discarded a practice gear and started throwing himself into collisions.
After appearing as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the end of the line-out in the crucial moment of play, establishing a foundation for playmaker Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning drop kick.
Backing Community
Moody has earlier notified Johnson, who captained England to that championship, and a handful of other former colleagues about his diagnosis, but the remaining individuals will be discovering his news with the rest of public.
"There will be a time when we'll need to lean on their backing but, at the moment, just having that kind of care and acceptance that people are available is the crucial thing," he commented.
"This game is such a excellent family.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even should it ended now, I've valued all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you have the opportunity to label your love your profession, it's one of the most important privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so extended a time with the squads that I did it with was a pleasure. And I am aware they will want to assist in any way they can and I look forward to having those discussions."
